Saturday, December 06, 2003
sat.6 dec 2003.noon.1.08 on my com clock. I woke up around 10am. cant get back to slp. then, i waited for 'her''s msg..ard 12......my fone beeps! she msged me! but...she say she can meet me only durin evening. she's meeting someone at noon. hmmz..am i jealous that is she meeting another guy? but i guess i dont have the right to be like this right? hmmz...so i go take my pay and see how it goes huh..."relax mode" if she cant make it then its okie too. :) well..for now i am MORE concerned abt my 'sec attempt'. two more days to it. nervy? i dun think its nevry..its more of pressure..i gotta make it mah..hmmz...i think i will make it..hope everything goes out well and fine....and i will post my happiest blog on monday!!!!!!!!!! i hope i can...the feeling of failing is very bad...i still can recall the time i failed my first attempt..its a loser feeling..SORE LOSER....haiz...well...gotta look foward! and here it comes! 8 dec 2003. can i achieve my target of getting my driving license this year?.....the results will be out by monday 3pm...hmm...i hope i can do it lets just wait and see huhz..
posted by zCz at 1:15 PM
6th dec today. was sick the last few days.=P feeling terrible..got cough, sore thoart, fever, body aches...But the good thing is i am recovering...hmm..my situation with 'her' is not that in progress..this few days, i felt we have somehow or other drifted away..she used to msg me in the morning, before she gets to bed..but not anymore..maybe she thinks we r unsuitable and she didnt wanna maintain that close contact? or maybe perharps we are really unsuitable? i dunno...i leave it to fate..she seems so busy lately...i dunno why but i kept thinking of her almost everyday, how i wish she did think abt me just like i feel towards her? FAT HOPE huhz? i didnt wanna expect too much from her, anyway its true that i fallen for her...but people might not feel the same for u too mah? My gut feeling tells me she thinks we are unsuitable...maybe we shouldnt have know each other? or shouldnt we exchange nos? i started to regret...if can go back to the past...i wished i maintain the 'mo mo de gan jue', thats sweeter huh? but life is all abt going foward...maybe just wasnt fated? tml is sat..i will be taking pay at westin..then maybe go walk walk alone? most likely plan...'She' wont be free..she has her dragon dance thingy to take care of...we didnt talk the last two nite at all...haizz............i dunno how to say ah.....
Me and Shuhui appeared on gotcha yest. but it's the past. i can now confrim that we ended. We broke up. I thank her for her care and concern and for everything she does for me. We gotta move on. i am bad enough to have someone in mind straight after her. i am a bastard. i dunno. my hearts swing for 'her' and not shuhui anymore. call me flirt. call me heartless. call me jerk. i am one. Serious. I think i really did her wrong too but i wanna clarify that she forced me...she forced me to end it. intially, we had alot of probs btw us..regardless big or small, it's still a quarrel. Quarrels leas to unhappines, sad, discomfort, bad tempered, saying hurtful things....we argue alot alot....i gave in mostly...and till the 4th plus month, i cant take this shit anymore! i avoided her. I said Schwork is impt. work is impt. license is impt....i tried to hide away from her. I am scared of her. I did give her a chnace to patch and salvage things. She didnt take it. That's it. The end. We have some great memories together. I wanna thank her family, aunties, for treating me well when i was with her.
posted by zCz at 3:54 AM
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
I cut my freaking LONG hair yesterdae. At least to me is long.....i cant maintain it at all...cant stand :( i went in sqaure mah find ivan cut....i think abit short but still okie lah...today went driving..10.30am today session is quite bad..to my expectation..todae focus more on road...my on road driving not so smooth today..my turning is better this time round....much better...but lane change is bad..but i learn a new way..is second gear...check blindspot mirror change lane then cancel signal...then change 3rd gear...and u turn...release clutch and maintain acc after full lock...then return le then acc again..
posted by zCz at 8:00 AM
Monday, December 01, 2003
Dec 1 2003....the first day of the last month of the year 2003..it kick starts a month full of busy schedules, important deadline to meet, and most importantly my driving test..by the way my test is next mon 8 dec 2003..i feeling confident this time round, maybe i got abit of experience and guts...i had 2 more revisions to go...tmr i have one at 10.30am..and sunday i have one at 12.45pm...and monday will be my test..hmmz..this time round, i will not dissappoint my parents and let their money go to waste..and also my efforts and time spent learning..i am determined to make it this time round..my instructor told me my problem is mainly turning...right turn, u turn, left turn...i gotta improve on all this...hope that day i can on form and do well! well....its a tiring morning for me, mainly cos i slept at 5am the nite before..i was on the phone with xueling...hmmz..i think i am done with shuhui..we have alot problems between us in all the months we are together..i felt tired and i m sure she felt so too. She initiated the brkup...i agreed..actually...my heart wasnt with her since i first saw xueling...i think 2 months ago..i saw xueling in raffles. i was working..and i saw this girl..aww..she's sweet...thats enough for me to be attracted. i took a few glance at her when i was at pahang station, well she showed a cool icy look...and i tot she's wasnt interested, and yuanhong told me that she smiled at him..so i also tot maybe she interested in yh....so i didnt care so much and at the same time shuhui and me had a hell lot of probs...we quarrel alot alot...my feelings for her dipped tremendously..i had that 'mo mo' feeling for xueling...at that time i didnt know her name too..when she came to clear her glasses i peeped at her name tag. XUELING.it reads..wow what a name i tot...its exactly the same as celine's chinese name..(my ex gf frm tpjc)..she still showed the icy cold look to me...and i tot oh my...she's not interested at all..saturdae passed...sundae...sunday also cant take pay...gotta wait till mon. i left early frm sch to take my pay...but actually i wanna try my luck whether i can see her on that dae..silly me...i tried..i took 23 and change mrt....and i reach westin at 4.30..yh was waiting for me outside as he take his..i went dwn to payroll and i saw HER! oh my....my heart bumped...i tried my luck and it works! i was lucky...i was a couple people behind her and she took her already and she left with her two frens..and i tot ya thats all....when its my turn...i took my pay and meet yh in raffles city shopping centre. i saw cy with yh together..i tot eh why cy no need go army..its a mondae mah..then i bumped to 'her' again...she smiled at me..she rushed off to take the train and i followed....yh say he's interested now.....i was thinking why yh always like dat...who also want..haha..yh and cy rushed in but i forget my mrt card got no value...and i was stucked outside..by the time i rushed in..they were gone..i was dissappointed...haiz..and i worked almost everyday in a attempt to c her...too bad she didnt work night at all she did work once in that week and thats morning at outlet..wednesday came...it was a very big function (western) i was at collyer station helping out...and i saw her! she was working collyer!!!!!!!!! i was so happy...but because of a incident when i went online to find her contact that someone did pose as xueling's sis bf in the irc and say she didnt like westin guys...and i assumed she didnt like westin guys...and i also showed a gloom look at first...and then she came by to clear the glasses..she talks at last! she asked me where to put the glasses into which rack..and i plucked up courage and clarify if the poser is xueling sis's bf...i asked her if she has a sister...she say no...YES! thats a fucking poser in the IRC...and i was overjoyed!...the feeling is very amazing......someone gave me a ginger-ale drink...and my intention was to give her...but yuanhong always at my station and i think yh likes her too and i didnt pass to her at all. when the opportunity came by when she and me were alone at the station..i did say;' erm....' but she only turn her head and smiled.. i actually wanna ask if she want a drink.. the chance is gone...thursday came by...and she worked collyer again!! and i wanted to work collyer too mar....but yuanhong seems like he wanna work collyer...but i insisted...i was very bad right..but my 'nu shen' was there mar..!! i was stealing stares at her...her friend kept teasing me when i went to get the buns for her..and her friend ask if i wanna know her..of course i do!! her fren wrote me her no. i was afraid that she might not like it because i didnt ask frm her. but i was shocked when she asked mine too! i was so nervy that i scribbled so untidy..and i msg her...and we msg each other the whole nite...sat came and she worked in stamford, while me in raffles so we kept msging each other to keep in contact..something is wrong with me, i am thinking of her almost every now and then....and that nite i rushed the 1.30 transport home without bathing and eating! poor me...while she worked till 3am (she do o.t mar)..we didnt c each other at all that nite..but we did talk on phone when she's waiting for her transport at 3am.. we chatted for a while till 4plus am...and i hanged up as her phone low batt, i wanted to wait till she reach hme but stoopid piggy me..i fallen alslp...oh manz...sunday i slept till 2plus while she slept till ard 5..we msg awhile and she gotta go get ready for her dragon dance training..meanwhile, i slacked at home watched tv all day whole night...and waited for her to get home..she msged me at ard 10.45pm and we started to chat at 11pm....we yakked till 5am in the morning! it's since a long time i last chat with someone for that LONG.....i remember the only person i did chat till morning is Athens (my ex gf that went canada)...as i got sch the following day..we hang up at 5am and i get some rest and woke up at 7.30am...and get ready for school......
posted by zCz at 9:36 PM